I Like Being Recognized

I like to be recognized for when I do something good. How about you? If you are like most people, and I think you are, then you love to be recognized for your efforts. Last night, I went to a meeting at church and was pleasantly surprised to be named Volunteer of the Month for December. What a nice honor. I received a certificate and had all my peers congratulating me. I was proud. Some of you may say, what's the big deal?

Well, recognition is a prize that a person gets for positive behavior. If you reward that positive behavior, you will get more positive behavior. Then, you give more reward and get more positive behavior and so on. The recognition becomes a motivator. It lets people know that their performance was valued. It builds confidence for future behavior and performance. And it makes people happy. And happier people are positive people.

You don't need to be a supervisor or a manager to recognize good performance. How many of you are parents? How about recognizing your child for their positive behaviors? Do that consistently and see what happens to your child. Is the clerk at the convenience store especially nice? Then tell them so. Thank them for being very friendly and helpful and let them know how happy you are to see them when you come into the store. Begin consistently recognizing the positives that your spouse does. You can do this with anyone. Your child's teacher, a receptionist, a barista, a restaurant server....the list is endless.

When I was a restaurant manager, there was a couple who were regulars. They always made it a point to stick their head in the window to the kitchen and told the cooks what a great job they were doing. On some occasions, they even tipped the cooks. The cooks worked amazingly better after one of those episodes. They felt more pride in what they were doing. They were motivated to put their best effort into their work. They were happier. And that is what a little recognition can do.

If you want better results from people, you are going to have to recognize the good they are already doing. Sometimes it is hard to find the good that someone is doing. But if you don't recognize and reward that small positive behavior then you are unlikely to get anything more from them. I had a guy who worked for me when I was a Marine in California. No one else wanted anything to do with him. But I never had a problem with him. Everyone else wanted to yell at him and belittle him for being a screwup. I never did that with him. I yelled at others because that's what they needed to perform better. But not this guy. He made me look like a genius or some kind of great leader. I wasn't either one. I was just someone who saw the positives this guy was doing and recognized him for it.

And that's what I want you to do. I want you to recognize people in your life who are doing something positive so you can get more of that behavior. Or maybe you want them to perform better than they are. Either way, the key lies in rewarding the positive performance they are giving now. It may be a small gift or just a sincere thank you. Whatever it is, make sure you reference the behaviors that you want more of. I can assure you through my experience, you will love the results you elicit from others. Have a great day!!

How to Trust Someone

Trust is what keeps our society functioning. Speaking from an evolutionary perspective, we must trust to survive. But it can be a slippery thing. What makes us trust people? And more curiously, what makes us trust some people but not others? Trust is based on expectation. You expect something from someone and trust them based on whether they lived up to your expectation. Now, past experiences with a person will determine whether or not you trust them  but here are a few things to help you define how and why you trust or distrust a person.

 Consistency- The more consistent a person behaves, the easier for you to determine a pattern and form an expectation.

Posture- Standing straight and tall gives an aura of strength and confidence and will be more attractive to trusting.

Transparency- When a person seems to be hiding something, we feel as though we cannot fully trust that person. Self-disclosure builds trust.

Discretion- The ability to keep secret the things you share with a person inspires trust. 

Familiarity- The more you know about someone, the more you know if and how to trust them. 

Resemblance- Birds of a feather.....If someone dresses like you, acts like you do or looks like you, you are more likely to trust that person because you believe they are most similar to you. In NLP, this is called mirroring. 

 These are just some of the ways that we form an opinion of trust. Likewise, people are also using these to decide whether to trust you or not. Always remember that what you say and what you do is under constant observation.